28 Days Later: a recap

I am not enjoying my time here as much as I'd hoped. The jobs on Long Island are dismal. It is necessary to drive everywhere. Living with my parents is difficult, as I am used to my own personal space, and so are they.

This is not to say I don't love spending time with my parents. That's basically the best part about being home. I love seeing them and my grandparents regularly. Its the personal regression I feel when I return home. I return to my foggy minded state that I maintained in high school. I don't want that.

I spend most of my time with my lovely dog, Humphrey. He's grown reliant on me, and expects me to take him everywhere with me. I love him, but he can't be my ONLY companion.

My house is beautiful, comfortable, and my parents have been more than generous allowing me to move back home.

I've gone to the beach, hung out in Smithtown, went out to breakfast with my Grandma. I've cooked and cleaned for my parents. For the most part, I spend my days applying for jobs on craigslist and reading.

What I haven't done is wrote, knitted, crafted, drawn, done anything creative. I haven't thought of anything to do besides escape, so I think that is exactly what I'll be doing.

I spent last weekend in Boston, and I miss it dearly. I have a wide variety of friends and support systems that I can easily take advantage of. I know the city fairly well, know how to get around without a car, where to go for delicious, cheap foods. It snows in the winter, it is sunny in the summer. Its filled with geeks. There are at least 4 independent comic book stores. Plenty of used book stores. Coffee shops. Libraries. Parks. Long avenues.

That city is a symbol of comfort and independence for me. So, in conclusion, I'm planning on moving back. My good friend Courtney Osit is planning on relocating with me, as she is also in need of a fresh start. We're looking in Brookline, Brighton and Allston, and POSSIBLY parts of Cambridge. I'm hesitant about Cambridge as it can be fairly difficult to get to, but I feel I'm willing to compromise for a great part of the Boston area.


So, what exactly did I learn from this trip? Plenty of amazing, amazing things.
-I love gardening.

-I LOVE camping.

-Cooking is cathartic.

-I learned an amazing sense of independence and was able to see myself as capable.
I have always felt a sense of overwhelming shyness and incapacity when interacting with strangers or those who I don't know that well. Traveling, being thrown into situations that are naturally uncomfortable and unstable taught me to think on my feet while simultaneously being pleasant and alert. I learned to enjoy these interactions, instead of fear them.
In addition, I know now that I am able to go off on my own. I know now that its most important for me to do what is best for myself, and I have to take initiative to get those things. My friend Sara once told me that I constantly have a "group mentality," which she credited to growing up in a big family and being in group situations frequently throughout my childhood. I think she may be right, I'm most often cautious about how my actions will affect those in my close circle, than what is necessary for me to grow and achieve my personal goals. This trip was a lesson in breaking away from that.

-I can't stay still. Another friend of mine, Conor, reprimanded me recently on being completely unable to stay in one place. This is true. I've spent the past four years living in two places, and this entire summer was spent traveling. I tried to live at home, but it is simply too still here. My move to Boston will hopefully be a test to see how well I can stay in one place. I want all of me- my heart, my head, my body- to be in one place.

-I learned to unabashedly sing in front of strangers, even though I sing like a child. (AKA Its better to be silly and have fun than to worry what people think of you).

-Don't be dogmatic. None of us are important enough to go around judging others. Live your life how you would like to, and don't impose on others.


My next steps?
-LSATs on December 5th.
-Move to Boston at some point in October.
-Get a job in Boston. ANYWHERE.
-Just keep smiling.

Going home.

I'm in Las Vegas on a two hour layover. Everyone is telling me to gamble all my money away, and I'm not the least bit interested. Gambling to me is like being a little kid and all the big kids are playing tricks on you and your gullibility. Except this time when you lose your wallet hurts as much as your pride.

This weekend Andy showed me around Hermosa Beach, where a number of his friends live. We spent Saturday on the beach, walking the boardwalk and checking out the Hermosa Fiesta, which is a giant craft fair.

Sunday we went up to Santa Barbara to see Joanne and Nancy McNally, my mother's childhood friends and our close family friends. It was so nice to see them and their children. I haven't seen any of the kids since they were very young- its so interesting to see their faces and figure out their personalities now that they're teenagers.

We had dinner at Robert's restaurant in downtown Santa Barbara. I had frog legs. The food and wine were delicious. Afterwards we went to Jessica's place which is a set of trailers and campers on a ranch overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Andy, Joanne and Alex shared a Vanagon, and I slept in a sleeping bag outside under the stars. It felt so natural. I remember waking up in the middle of the night looking directly at the moon and thinking "wow, where am I? This is amazing." and quickly remembering. I felt so safe, and now that seems so strange.

The next day we walked to the top of a tall hill on the ranch, and climbed trees. We also stopped at an oranic farm right outside of Santa Barbara that has apprenticeships from April to October which is run by her friend. I'm considering applying for it. We hung out the rest of the day at Nancy and Robert's condo hanging out by the pool with everyone.

Yesterday I walked around Fullerton, CA. Its a college town with yoga studios, vintage shops and an array of bars and restaurants. Its a nice town, and Andy lives in the center of it so its within walking distance to almost everything.

The entire time I was in CA I had this strange feeling of living directly under a fluorescent light bulb. Or maybe in one. Sun is everywhere- there's no escape. Its practically blinding, and the lightly-painted architecture doesn't help. The trees are sparse and the landscape is an awful dried out sand color. I felt just like the grass, like I was slowly being zapped into an empty, flammable shell of cells.

It was really nice seeing Andy. The two of us fight the same as we did when we were kids, but it is nice to know that no matter what it isn't awkward.

I'm on my way home now. 9 hours total. 2 down, 7 more to go. Feels like 7 years.

I can't wait to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food and make my own coffee and snuggle with my dog and read my books. I can't wait to drive my car and be on my own schedule and apply to jobs that will become MY job. This trip has taught me to love adventures and how to be social even when it feels difficult- but I'm ready for some wonderfully antisocial alone time.

Seattle and LA

Seattle was great. I took a 4 hour Amtrak train up, and Mary picked me up and we instantly started sight seeing. The architecture in Seattle is really interesting, because it appears to be very sturdy and older than it is. Mary was saying a lot of people say its like Manhattan, but I felt it was like Boston, just smaller.
Mary lives in a cute apartment in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle. There's a great local vibe there, she's close to the library, shops and good restaurants, and the bus system. We went to Pike Place and the first Starbucks, then to Pike Brewery. From there we went to a great bar in Belltown called shorty's and played pinball.

The following day we went on the space needle and then her friend Chase took me on a bike ride throughout the city with a huge group of fellow riders. It was a really great night seeing what the vibe of Seattle is like. People are really friendly there and its just busy enough to not be another boring quiet city.

I'm in Fullerton, CA with Andy. Its nice, the weather is pretty hot and my allergies are terrible, but its lively here. We're going to go to the beach once some football game is over and maybe play some volleyball. We're going to hang out with some of his friends in Hermosa beach, walk the boardwalk and hang out at Hermosa Fiesta.

Moving on

We've been in Portland for a few weeks now. Its a really lovely city, but I am not interested in settling down here. Like I mentioned before, I'm grateful that I'm here with my friends and am able to see the many reasons why people want to relocate here- I just simply can feel I'm not in the right place.

In addition, things have become strained here. I don't want to be a guest in others houses for much longer. Its a very tricky situation- how long should one stay? How should one contribute? And when personal space is desperately lacking, where do I go when I need alone time? The job market would prevent me from getting a well paying job easily, and I would therefore have to live off my friend's hospitality for longer than I'm comfortable doing. I would love to live with these boys forever, but in a space that was part mine.

For now, its off to Seattle tomorrow, then LA to see my brother on Friday. I'll be home in New York by the 9th of September. I hate to leave the road, but it seems this is one of my few options.

Portland is amazing. We walk down the streets and pick fruit to eat along the way. My friends are fabulous, we make food, create music, dance and ride bikes. They remind me what kind of people I need to stick with. People aren't worth your time if they make you feel like shit or don't have your back.

We play charades and have poetry nights. They encourage the ridiculous songs I make up. They let me draw them their future girlfriends late at night and pick me up off the bathroom floor when I've fallen asleep on it. They offer respect, not cruelty. Its what everyone needs in friendships.

We listen to our myriad collections of records, from Louis Armstrong to The Pixies to Crime in Stereo to John Prine. We're all individuals yet all connected. I love it here.

Osit left on Wednesday so now its just Mel and me visiting. A friend of theirs is staying where Osit was so I've created a little nest for myself in the breakfast nook. I sleep on a smooshed air mattress and write haikus. I'm reading a comic called The Walking Dead about Zombies. Its amazing.

Later on this week we'll be camping up in Olympia national park. Its supposed to be absolutely beautiful and I can't wait. I got very used to never using my wallet, and its getting thinner the longer I'm here in Portland.

I've begun looking into organic farming apprenticeships in New York and New England. I can feel that I'm on the wrong coast here. It doesn't feel quite right. Every day I feel like I'm carrying the distance in my torso. I know my family is far away, I'm in a completely different time zone and I don't understand a damn thing about the local geography. Tornadoes happen here. The Pacific is far away, and you can't just jump right into it. Its too cold. Salmon is fresh here, but Lobster isn't even heard of. It just feels strange.

These guys are all into the idea of me starting my own farm. Building our own buildings and sustaining ourselves. Creating a community for the local area to come and experience and work with. That's another thing I miss being here- lack of farming. I miss working with my body, with the ground. Having a set schedule which my body loves and thrives in. I miss waking up with the sun and setting along side it. I'll be able to do that soon enough.

If you want to hear a new song I wrote, go to the tinysheep myspace:

If you want to see a few photos of the boys and their house, you can read Mel's blog:

PORTLAND!

We've had quite an exciting few days. We left Carol's on Wednesday after harvesting all day, and headed west towards Yellowstone. We ended up hating it there and leaving early. We knew full well that it is a super volcano and reeks of methane from the hot springs, so we didn't like the constant scent of our imminent death. We couldn't find anywhere around the park to camp, since the grizzly bear population is so large you can't camp without a hard-sided tent (aka an RV), so we had to head into Montana and spent the night there.

The next morning we left early in the AM and ended up deciding to just head towards Seattle, but since we couldn't get in touch with Mary, we headed to Portland! In all, we drove for 14 hours on Thursday. We drove through 4 mountain ranges in 36 hours, a desert, and along the Columbia river.

The pictures are backwards of our trip. Mike and Mel on the porch in Portland. My dear, dear Montana. Panda hugging a rock East of Yellowstone. Me in the Big Horn Mountains. Me driving away from Wyoming.

Leaving Clear Creek Tomorrow

And I don't want to go, not one bit. Carol and Bob have been so amazingly kind to us, as people and as mentors. We've learned a ton about gardening, have had wonderful opportunities to experience what life would be like if we became gardeners or farmers. This experience has been amazing. We've been weeding, preparing beds, planting, harvesting, cooking. All aspects of the food cycle. We've learned about predators and companion plants, sacrifice crops. I'm just so incredibly grateful for this experience.

Tonight Carol and Bob had us over there house with our roommate, Lauren, and they had their friend Bernie over who cooked us an absolutely amazing meal. My stomach is protruding a good 3 inches past its normal mark. Bernie is half Indian and she cooked us a number of curry dishes, a cucumber yogurt salad, and a delicious pistachio bar.

Tomorrow we'll work in the morning to help harvest for the CSA, and then we'll come back to the trailer and pack our things. We'll be heading to Yellowstone, then Seattle, and then finally Portland! I'm excited about moving on, but its bittersweet because we've loved this place so much.

One of the best parts about this experience is it has made me realize I am interested in continuing learning about agriculture and farming. I'd like to go on and do an apprenticeship at an organic farm, and I hope that I'll be able to start my own farm within the next 2 or 3 years. I've already started planning start-up expenses, CSA plans and looking up farmers markets.

If anyone is interested in learning about farming and young farmers today, look at thegreenhorns.net, there will be a movie coming out about young farmers in the Hudson Valley of NY. It has ton of info on starting a farm as well as the current movement of the young farmers in the US.

hoooooome home on the raaaaaaange

Today has been a weird day, what from I'm not sure, maybe the weird weather or the moon, but I've felt strange. All day I was tired and having arguments with myself in my head about anything I could think of. At one point I got so worked up I had to climb down from the ladder where I was painting and sit for a second. I haven't gotten like that in forever, its a strange place to be, making arguments in your head about all the issues of the world.

When Mel and I got overwhelmed we decided to walk down to the creek, and I walked up it about 400 yards. Creeks are really interesting to look at and they're so quieting. They're too cold though, so the desire to lay down in it is not fulfilling once you do it. I do like that you can see down to the bottom and know where your feet are going and how deep the water is. With the sound you just get used to not knowing when your feet will stop touching the ground and you'll have to start swimming.

I also learned how to plant spinach today, which was so much fun. Spinach like soil high in nitrate and should be planted 4 inches apart, because they should be between 6-12 inches apart AFTER they've been thinned. They begin to sprout about a week to 12 days after they are initially planted.

There's a grass hopper infestation right now so we had to spray the area with a phosphate and then cover it up with netting. They're beginning to mate, which is creepy, and we're supposed to kill them mid-act so they don't go laying their eggs all over the garden for next year.

I'm beginning to get much stronger and feel so capable and healthy. We eat straight from the garden most days and I haven't had anything to drink since Omaha a week and a half ago. It feels like so much longer. I really love gardening and I love learning about running a business. Carol, the farm owner, is absolutely an amazing woman and I can't believe we've come in contact with her. She wants us to stay for longer or come back, maybe I will. I don't know what we're doing after Oregon. We have coffee every morning and she makes us lunch and we chat. We're learning all about her life and her husband's life here and in Alaska, and she imparts us with some gold nugget of life wisdom every day.

Tomorrow we're getting up early and harvesting for the Sheridan WY CSA. Then we'll be staying with Carol and her Husband in their house in town and go see a movie and look around. Apparently its a traditional western town with a bar called the Mint Bar which has been around for the longest time. Carol's parents met there, and her grandfather used to have drinks there when he'd take her grandmother in to town for the day. We're going to stick out like sore thumbs, but I'm really excited to see what the town version of Wyoming's all about.

For everyone I miss at home

I did a little dance for you:

What a wonderful wonderful world.

I will never starve with a pandy by my side.

Today was a busy day, and I loved every moment of it. We started work today at 6:30, gathering greens for the Buffalo (not Sheridan, that's Friday) CSA, painting, and fixing the structures that the storm had toppled in the garden. After a wonderful snack Melanie and I continued painting, until we finally quit around 3. We cleaned around the house a bit and then around 5 Carol brought us home- telling us all about Broke Back Mountain and birds in Wyoming. It was a long day, but we get to sleep in tomorrow, we have work at 8:30!

I love it here- Mel cooks me food, keeps me hydrated and healthy. We're gonna watch a River Runs Through It and think about the lovely west we're living in!

I haven't felt terribly homesick, but I do miss my family and friends- its hard when you're so used to constant easy contact to change to a land where cell phones don't work and you only have 3 hours a night to relax. This is growing up, huh.

I'm learning so much, and get to eat fresh from the garden. I can't wait until I find a place to settle and can start growing food for me and my neighbors.

This is a ramble, I will write more elaborately later. Just know that I'm really happy!

Busy bee

6AM: Woken by plane spraying pesticides.

6.15-7.30: breakfast, getting ready for work.

7.30-9: coffee and garden walk at Mona's

9-3: Prop up tomatoes, paint trellis and top of house red.

3-5: Wild rain storm, eat with Bob and Carol

5-7: Relax a little, fix screens in trailer.

7-now: read news, relax, plan for tomorrow.

By the end of today, I was wiped. I can't think straight enough to write a lot. I'm loving it here though. The people are so friendly and open, and they're extremely willing to tell us about their pasts and their current lifestyles. This is what I was looking for in a WWOOFing experience, it seems we have found wonderful mentors here.

Tomorrow we will be harvesting greens and some tomatoes and turnips for the CSA in Sheridan. We'll leave the house by 6:15 to make sure we have all of the veggies harvested, cleaned and bagged by 11. Then we should finish painting the house/trellis. My little bunk bed seems to be overly toasty, and I'm craving a brisk night.

The storm today was absolutely beautiful and unlike anything I've ever seen. The expansive terrain makes it easy to see the beginnings of a storm far off, and also facilitates strong winds. The storm came swooping over the hills with 30 mile an hour wind, strong rain and threat of hail, and bright and loud lightning.
We sat with Bob and Carol as they calculated whether the hail was going to hit the farm, and whether or not the storm was going to pass through quickly or stick around. We counted lighting along with them and listened to their stories about the terrible hail storm that ruined their entire crop last year.

I'm listening to this now, as I get ready for bed. I really love it here, and feel pleased to be here. Later this week we will go to Sheridan to Carol and Bob's "town" house, spend the night and hang about town.

Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B-h1EEsKDA

Woken up

by a crop duster flying over our trailer at sunrise. Hello rural America.

Home, for a week.

Here's the trailer where we're staying:




We'll be here for a little more than a week, in the foothills of the big horn mountains of Wyoming. I'm really enjoying it!

I'm feeling lazy now, but read mel's blog for updates: onlybirdseed.blogspsot.com

Clear Creek Farms!!!

We made it! The place we were going to spend the night creeped us out so we decided to leave. They were going to make us camp in a small yard by the restaurant instead of in the regular camping area because apparently the spaces were only for RVs. The entire place was empty and it was right next to the highway, where a million bikers were riding all around. So, we left and called Carol LeResche, the owner of the farm and she told us we were welcome to come a night early.

We'll be getting up at 5:30 tomorrow to start working by 6, and we'll be tying up tomato plants to keep crickets away. Its absolutely beautiful here, Carol lives in a one room cabin by the creek, and the farm is small but bountiful. Tonight we're staying in her office, and tomorrow we'll be moving into the trailer where WWOOFERs usually stay.

Heck yea!

WYOMING

In Wyoming now, leave for the farm tomorrow. Can't upload pictures for some reason, so check out our flickr!

flickr.com/ifshecan

We're right at Devils Tower, the US' first national monument. We can see it from our small campsite. Spent last 2 days in the Black Hills, which were absolutely beautiful. We fixed our tent with duct tape, I'm not sure it will hold up in strong winds again, but for now it suffices.

All of South Dakota is being swarmed by packs and packs of bikers, as it is the Sturgis Biker Rally this weekend. Had we known this, we would have never come. They're impossible to avoid, and their presence here has jacked up all the prices. They're like giant ants traveling in long trailing packs all over this area of the US.

I'll be glad to be on the farm tomorrow- I'm ready to work and learn some more. PLUS- we get our own bedrooms! Thats basically the greatest luxury I could imagine right now.

Oh, here's my twitpic of me and devil's tower:

YA DUSTY OL' FART

Missin' Omaha in South Dakota. It was truly a great place with some truly awesome dudes. Wish we could've stayed longer, but its better to leave before one outstays their welcome.

We drove through the night and made it to the badlands around 9:30 Omaha time, after leaving around 1:30. We had stayed later to see a great basement show with the dudes, and then got late night food at Alvarados with Tyler and Mitchell in Council Bluffs. They showed us how to get to 29 and we were off on our way!

Driving all night was intense, but we did it safely. We set up our tent at Sage Creek and passed out until 5PM. Made some rice and beans for dinner and went back to sleep shortly after the sun set, listening to coyotes howl.

We were woken up around 6:30 to grunting bison- those animals are gigantic and would come relatively close to the campsites, it was beautiful.
Around 10 we left for the other side of the park to hike, and we hiked through an amazing canyon which overlooked an expansive part of the badlands. It was absolutely beautiful, and exhilarating to hike something slightly dangerous.

When we returned around 3 the wind had gotten so strong one of the poles on the tent splintered, forcing it all to collapse. It was beginning to rain, and the wind was a bit scary, so we just decided to pack all our stuff up, laughing as we did it, and drove on off towards the Black Hills. We stopped at Wall, which was terrifying, and continued on our way.

We stayed in a Borders in Rapid City for a while, and finally found a motel that could fit us around 9 tonight. Its been a long and amazing day.

This has been a relatively uninspired post, so I'll post some pictures:

OMAHA RULZ

The guys here are really awesome, and we're having a good time. Good people, good food. People do tend to stare here and shout weird things at us, but besides that its nice and easy to travel around the city. The only problem is you definitely need a car to do that, walking around through most of Omaha is looked at strangely.

Mel and I got bored and I cut our hair. Mel just got bangs, I hacked mine to pieces.

We're leaving for SD tonight- we're gonna try and do an all nighter. Lets see if we make it! We just want to make sure we can get a free campsite.

Anne Carson: Excerpt from Anthropology of water-
"I packed my rucksack with socks, canteen, pencils, three empty notebooks. I took no maps, I cannot read maps--why press a seal on running water? After all, the only rule of travel is, Don't come back the way you went. Come a new way."


My Journey's Journeying
By Kenneth Patchen.

I am descended from a traveling people. Nothing would do but they go! They would travel any time of year, anywhere. "Let's go...Get going!"
A kind of fermentation, a rash to the feet. But all I like about travel is getting out of places; the better the place the better I like scramming.

OM A HA!

It's turning out to be pretty dang awesome. Tym hooked us up with some sweet dudes to shelter us in their wonderful punk house. We bought them some beer and hung out til the wee hours of the morning.

Aaron, one of the guys, wrote us out a "Stuff to do" list for here. I have a feeling we're going to be spending tons of money, but I'm ok with it. I've been wanting to come to Omaha since high school, and it feels good to be here.



Theres a ton of food, plenty of shops and record stores, and Tyler might leave work early and come hang out with us. We're gonna go by the riverfront and maybe check out Lewis and Clark park later.

We're at a cute coffee shop called the Blue Line in the Dundee neighborhood. I'm a fan of right here. We'll see how downtown is. Its a strange feeling to be smack dab in the middle of the country right now, almost halfway done with our trek to Portland.

South Dakotee later this week...

The Hunting Song

http://www.myspace.com/tinysheeps

We just recorded it. Sang it in front of a group of wonderful East Winders, who asked if they could have the lyrics to sing it at campfires.

Enjoy!

North of Kansas City

We have departed the commune. Unfortunately we couldn't quite handle the tight living space and desperately wanted to be on the road again. We've both got quite a case of the wanderlust and hate to be tied down.

Driving through Missouri today was really wonderful. We encountered a few rude people, including one 6 foot tall cowboy at 7:30 this morning who declared we must have been lost, but also were reminded of the extreme hospitality of some. One man at a gas station south of KC showed us how to check our oil, and other people were just very wonderful and cheery.

We're about 3 hours south of Omaha now, and will most likely be heading towards there tomorrow afternoon. We'll camp somewhere if we can't get in touch with Tym and check the city out. I'm compiling a list now of things to do in Omaha.

While East Wind was a wonderful experience, I'm glad to be out of there. There was some serious baby mama drama going on this weekend, and the tension was greatly felt. Babydaddy ended up with a black eye, and confrontations were rampant.

After the first few days at East Wind people were finally very friendly to us, as we were respectful and proved to be hard workers. We tried to get as many hours in the garden as possible every day, and learned a ton from our managers Richard and Lauren. Both were extremely interesting characters who were very passionate about their jobs and the gardens they had to tend to. Not many East Winders helped them on the farms, so thankfully we received some positive reinforcement for our work.
For the most part we weeded one overgrown part of the garden. We also harvested tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, garlic and basil. Harvesting is time consuming, but definitely one of the more enjoyable parts of gardening/farming. We also helped pickle 70 jars of cucumbers, where I ended up seriously hurting my right wrist/forearm. After a long day of weeding, I attempted to use my wrist while ladling brine into the jars, which made me realize my wrist was getting sore. But, stupidly, I attempted to pick up a heavy bucket of cucumbers and ice water, and ended up pulling the muscle on my wrist that had felt sore. Its gotten worse the past few days and I plan on going to a doctor in Omaha to get it checked out, just so I can get some suggestions on what I did to it and how I can quickly allow it to heal, since not using my hand is out of the question.

We are currently at Mel's uncle Phillip's house just north of Kansas City. We had a lovely dinner outside in their great backyard, hanging with their 4 dogs. Missouri is without a doubt an absolutely beautiful place. The Ozarks in the south are filled with tall trees and rolling hills, and the north is flatter but much more spacious.

I'm incredibly excited for Omaha tomorrow. I've been waiting to go to this city since high school.