28 Days Later: a recap

I am not enjoying my time here as much as I'd hoped. The jobs on Long Island are dismal. It is necessary to drive everywhere. Living with my parents is difficult, as I am used to my own personal space, and so are they.

This is not to say I don't love spending time with my parents. That's basically the best part about being home. I love seeing them and my grandparents regularly. Its the personal regression I feel when I return home. I return to my foggy minded state that I maintained in high school. I don't want that.

I spend most of my time with my lovely dog, Humphrey. He's grown reliant on me, and expects me to take him everywhere with me. I love him, but he can't be my ONLY companion.

My house is beautiful, comfortable, and my parents have been more than generous allowing me to move back home.

I've gone to the beach, hung out in Smithtown, went out to breakfast with my Grandma. I've cooked and cleaned for my parents. For the most part, I spend my days applying for jobs on craigslist and reading.

What I haven't done is wrote, knitted, crafted, drawn, done anything creative. I haven't thought of anything to do besides escape, so I think that is exactly what I'll be doing.

I spent last weekend in Boston, and I miss it dearly. I have a wide variety of friends and support systems that I can easily take advantage of. I know the city fairly well, know how to get around without a car, where to go for delicious, cheap foods. It snows in the winter, it is sunny in the summer. Its filled with geeks. There are at least 4 independent comic book stores. Plenty of used book stores. Coffee shops. Libraries. Parks. Long avenues.

That city is a symbol of comfort and independence for me. So, in conclusion, I'm planning on moving back. My good friend Courtney Osit is planning on relocating with me, as she is also in need of a fresh start. We're looking in Brookline, Brighton and Allston, and POSSIBLY parts of Cambridge. I'm hesitant about Cambridge as it can be fairly difficult to get to, but I feel I'm willing to compromise for a great part of the Boston area.


So, what exactly did I learn from this trip? Plenty of amazing, amazing things.
-I love gardening.

-I LOVE camping.

-Cooking is cathartic.

-I learned an amazing sense of independence and was able to see myself as capable.
I have always felt a sense of overwhelming shyness and incapacity when interacting with strangers or those who I don't know that well. Traveling, being thrown into situations that are naturally uncomfortable and unstable taught me to think on my feet while simultaneously being pleasant and alert. I learned to enjoy these interactions, instead of fear them.
In addition, I know now that I am able to go off on my own. I know now that its most important for me to do what is best for myself, and I have to take initiative to get those things. My friend Sara once told me that I constantly have a "group mentality," which she credited to growing up in a big family and being in group situations frequently throughout my childhood. I think she may be right, I'm most often cautious about how my actions will affect those in my close circle, than what is necessary for me to grow and achieve my personal goals. This trip was a lesson in breaking away from that.

-I can't stay still. Another friend of mine, Conor, reprimanded me recently on being completely unable to stay in one place. This is true. I've spent the past four years living in two places, and this entire summer was spent traveling. I tried to live at home, but it is simply too still here. My move to Boston will hopefully be a test to see how well I can stay in one place. I want all of me- my heart, my head, my body- to be in one place.

-I learned to unabashedly sing in front of strangers, even though I sing like a child. (AKA Its better to be silly and have fun than to worry what people think of you).

-Don't be dogmatic. None of us are important enough to go around judging others. Live your life how you would like to, and don't impose on others.


My next steps?
-LSATs on December 5th.
-Move to Boston at some point in October.
-Get a job in Boston. ANYWHERE.
-Just keep smiling.